Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Overcoming Emotional Atrophy

"What if you just spent this year loving yourself?"

I saw that phrase in a meme in January and it really resonated with me. I was 34 1/2 and I had left yet another toxic relationship. I had just started a new job and I was living apart from the individual that I had aligned myself with. I was feeling better about myself, but from self-assessment I came to the realization that I was not in the right headspace to be involving anyone else in my world.

Something was missing, in me, like regular human emotions and a healthier perspective of myself. I battle thoughts of self-loathing, guilt, shame, and insecurity. Mostly though, I came to the conclusion that I was dealing with emotional atrophy as a result of being in survival mode for so long.

I have to confess that emotional numbness was my default. Battling anxiety and depression had left me just finding an emotional equilibrium. I would experience fleeting moments of feeling positive emotions and then they would fade away leaving me to just feel empty inside. Granted, I would not be experiencing depression or anxiety symptoms, but I would only have a fleeting feeling love when I visited my son.

I read The Four Agreements with the intention of benefiting from a psychological approach and I came away with much more than just tenants for grounding myself in good mental input.

“If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don't need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices.”
Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom

After evaluating the choices that led me to get involved in my

previous relationship, I realized that I did not have a center and that it had been a long time since I had felt positive emotions. I had got used to shutting out negative, because loving people had become too painful.  
I decided to consciously cultivate inner peace. I chose to focus on the positive affirmations that streamed through my Instagram feed and come into agreement with them.

Energy & Inner Peace

What is my recipe for inner peace?
I give myself a fighting chance my taking my prescriptions for my mental health issues. Emotions are energy, so I also employ holistic wellness methods such as crystals, oils, meditation and supplements.

I decided that emptiness was not something that I enjoyed, so I went to my local Apothecary, A Gypsy's Whimsy in Astoria, Oregon and asked Vicki about what I should do. I got a GABA-calm supplement for anxiety attacks,  a flower essence tincture, lavender oil and some crystals/stones.

Lavender oil is my go to for dealing with anxiety. It is known for its anti-inflammatory, anti-fungal, anti-depressant, antiseptic, antibacterial and antimicrobial properties. It also has antispasmodic, analgesic, detoxifying, hypotensive and sedative effects.  Lavender oil resonates at a frequency of 118 megahertz. The human body has a frequency range of between 62-68 megahertz. 

In my crocheted medicine pouch I put the following crystals and stones.

Amethyst: has healing powers to help with physical ailments, emotional issues, crystal therapies are primarily associated with physical ailments of the nervous system, the curing of nightmares and insomnia, and balancing the crown chakra.

Blue Kyanite: helps ground spiritual energy, develop intuition, creates an energetic shield around the aura, restores energy balance in all chakras, and assists in self-healing.

Tiger Eye: encourages proper function of the endocrine system, great for centering, grounding and balancing, boosts self-confidence, brings clear thinking and insight.

Black Tourmaline transmutes negative energy into positive energy, helps to release one of negativity and self-doubts, Balances right and left hemispheres of the brain, and Promotes clear rational thoughts. 

(Crystalpedia is the reference I used for crystal and stone properties and is a great resource.)

I also take a tincture of flower essence called Self-Heal (Prunella Vulgaris), it moves your body into resonance with the Earth’s electromagnetic fields, lowers blood pressure, and supports aligning of the chakras.

Here is a chakra and crystal chart

I have felt a marked improvement in my energy. I am able to feel more positive feelings and alternately I am more energetically grounded. The thing with stimulating feelings in the energy centers of the body, is that every feeling becomes more tangible, the good and the bad. For me this meant crying for the first time in months.
Actually dealing with feelings of pain within myself, allowing the pain to wash over me instead of ignoring it, has become a new healthy practice for me.

Meditation & Visualization

Quieting my mind to be able to focus is something that I struggled with. I like life hacks, so I found a guided meditation that has helped me to achieve my goal of balancing my energy. All I have to do is shut down my thinking and listen and visualize what the speaker is saying.

This chakra activating and balancing guided meditation helps me to visualize the energy flowing through my body. As a person who would be categorized as an intuitive empath, I came to the conclusion that I needed to have my internal energy balanced in order to be able to handle the energies of the world around me.

As a positive side effect to acquiring and implementing energy balancing methods, I have found myself taking more walks. I have found that I do my best thinking, formulating, and problem solving when I am walking. My home is just a couple of blocks from the beach, so I also get the benefits of negative ions from the ocean when I walk along the shore.

Keeping A Log

I bought myself a journal, my old one I trashed because it just had bad memories, relationship fails, and reminders of my previously very scattered self. I decided that I would approach my new journal as a log book focused on my positive accomplishments. I write the date, Wednesday, June 1st 2017, and time, 11:03am and then what is on my mind. I write down definitions of words, desires, accomplishments, frustrations, and my feelings.

It is good to have a private outlet for my perspective on things. It is also healthy psychologically to process your thoughts by writing them down. I find it a helpful practice.

What do you do to handle your emotions in a healthy manner?


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