Tuesday, November 25, 2014

If I Had A Butler...

My son is hilarious

He is 7 1/2 and an only child of a single mother. He battles the symptoms of autism spectrum disorder

By all accounts my son is pretty "normal". He could recognize and say out loud, or sight read, letters at the age of 2 1/2. 
I blame the educational television that he watched. Whenever he was awake something that taught letters, shapes, colors, or words was on. Blues Clues as well.

Cas was an early reader and he was the only child to leave his kindergarten class with a book. I was so very proud. 

My son has his challenges; self-control, sleeping without fear and not yelling at me.

I have my challenges as well; health and energy issues.

"I Want A Maid"

"to cook and clean for me." Today was another day that I felt like I got hit by a bus. 

My adorable son said, "If you have a maid then I want a butler."

Then the following conversation ensued...

Cas, "If I had a butler he could make me breakfast in the morning."

Me, "Ha ha ha ha ha! While I am sleeping!"

Cas, "If I had a butler and you had a maid we would have to give them a day off. And I want a young butler and a young made, not an old maid or an old butler."

Me, cackling!

I run over to the neighbor's who is moving out today and Cas yells from the open door off our porch...
"If I had a butler he could wipe my butt for me."

Me, "Ha ha ha ha ha! So I don't have to!"

Once again my motivation for working my business comes from the least likely origins.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

The Power Of Gratitude

The Struggle Is Real

I woke up today feeling like death warmed over. My body ached, my head ached and my emotions were flat-lined. 

After I overcame the awfulness that I thought would swallow me whole, I began to think that I am probably not the only person to have ever felt this way before, and I may not be the only person today to be battling for their sanity, positivity, and optimism...

I can't be the only person that some mornings, once conscious begins to feel a crushing defeat of all that I have failed to do, and my lack in capacity to accomplish looming over me, and shouting in my head that I am a failure.

It is so easy to have come to mind what we are not able to do, especially if one suffers from childhood trauma, a low self-esteem, and chronic health issues.

It is really easy for me to feel helpless and incapable in the morning. 

I just started my own business and I am also struggling with my health and not where I want to be financially at this present moment.

But, I prayed once I recognized that today was going to win without any divine intervetion. I put on lavender oil and I forced myself out of bed, against the crushing oppressive thoughts and I made my bullet proof coffee. 

And I started to battle; I began to think thoughts of gratitude for what I have.

Thank you that I was given 2 bottles of lavender oil.
Thank you for my organic coffee, the price be hanged!
Thank you for my organic honey, and that I the co-op takes EBT.
Thank you that I have another pint of heavy whipping cream.
Thank you that I have 2 cans of evaporated milk to make mini pumpkin pies with.
Thank you for the energy that I am going to have to make them.
Thank you for the energy that I am going to have to stand and clean my dishes.
Thank you that I have a bullet blender to blend my coffee ingredients with.
Thank you that I have cashews.
Thank you for my instagram followers...and the really handsome one that followed me today...wow!

Then I got dressed.

Thank you for my clean clothes.

And I altered the neck on a shirt that I did not feel comfortable in.

Thank you that Brenda showed my that my shirts can be altered for comfort.

I had to take my Chihuahua out, as she was dancing on my stomach and chest to let me know she had to potty.

Thank you for my amazing little angel who helps me to feel when I cannot.

I then picked up and hugged my son before I walked out the door.

Thank you for my baby boy, that he loves me and that I get to experience his childhood. 

Please help me not to feel like I am always failing, that I am not good enough, and that he deserves better. Please, bless the endeavors of my wellness focused business and may people see what I have and purchase what will heal and help them. May my business be fruitful. May I be worthy.

As I went to walk up the driveway to the street I saw the garage with many more boxes in it to my left. 

My neighbor and friend is packing to move out at the end of November. 
I am really sad to see him go and it makes me feel really lonely when I think about it.
So, I chose to be thankful for his friend ship and chat for a moment, not to be distracting from his progress.

As I got to the top of the driveway where the street is, the heartwarming scent of damp fall leaves hit me. 

My heart ached with sweetness. I inhaled deeper and smelled the damp pine needles and moss underlying the sweet leaves.
I heard the crack of a branch as a deer, I assume, walked above us in the thicket.
This is what home smells like to me.
The 50 degree weather beckoning me to not hold still but stay moving and warm.
And any nook of my soul that felt lonely and inadequate, suddenly felt whole and present in this time and place.

I am where I am meant to be. How blessed am I to be able to come back to where I feel is home!

Thank you that I am here!  

My Deeper Thoughts

How did my optimism die? It wasted away with every negative outcome to my choices and circumstances. 
Lost jobs, derranged persons who posed as friends and lovers, health that fails me when I do not want it to...

The glaring results of my circumstances, the separation from social opportunities to even try to date...my lack of affluence. My home teetering on presentable if only I could stand long enough to accomplish my dishes.

Little reminders of what we could not achieve are what steal our optimism.

So, how do we get our optimism in moments when it seems impossible?!

I believe by being momentarily present and then looking at our current circumstance with regard to the entire picture.

I see the moments of our lives as pieces of a tapestry that is being woven together. 

I think that in moments of particular stress we have the opportunity to take a moment, take a breath and believe that everything that you are going through is preparing you for what you asked for.

I encourage you to take a moment and think about what you are grateful for, and if you are despondent, get some lavender oil, go for a walk, and remember how much worse life can be, or has been for you. 

This moment is a blessing.